Being "For Real"

I am not "for real" very often. Not that that is a good thing. I am working on being more honest with myself about how I feel. And being honest with others about how I feel. So today is a start.
Confession: I am feeling heart-broken and left out today. That is the cost I pay to be in a mission field 4000 miles from home -my home home.

Tomorrow my youngest brother, William, gets married to a beautiful young woman named Talitha. I met her and feel in love with her myself this past Christmas. I am grieving (and feeling sorry for myself) the fact that I cannot be there in Kentucky tomorrow. This is a once in a lifetime moment for them and I cannot see it or take pictures. I cannot laugh and cry with my family, teasing about about how we can't believe William got such a beautiful woman. (Actually he is very handsome himself. I will post pics later.) I can't drink too much punch. I can't tell my children not to drink too much punch. I can't tell John-James to be still and watch Uncle William kiss his new bride. I can't tell David not to throw bird seed at their faces!

And worst of all, I can't watch William's eyes as they glisten with love for his Lady. And I can't see Talitha's smile light up the entire sanctuary as she looks up at the man she loves.

So tomorrow I will blog about fun stuff, but for today, I must cry my pain. I love them so much and can't stand the thought of not seeing their wedding.

You see, I couldn't attend Jonathan and Rebekah's wedding either. I had just given birth to John-James. They were married in San Jose, CA. So really I am grieving about missing a significant part of my family's heritage.

But this is the cost I will gladly pay to reach the hurting souls in Fairbanks, AK. Just yesterday, in a bookstore, a young woman approached me with questions about parenting and her concerns. I must be here to be His voice. But I do wish that I could be in Kentucky tomorrow with this voice.

I may have the great wilds of Alaska at my feet, but for a moment I have to remind myself, "How beautiful are the feet of those who carry the Good News!"

Isaiah 52:7 "How lovely on the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who announces peace and brings good news of happiness, who announces salvation, and says to Zion, "Your God reigns!"